The ghost of columns past

‘Honesty is the best policy,’ as my mother used to say, and I’ve no reason to doubt her. She had her favourite trainers and jockeys  –  most of Gordon W Richards’ winners carried sixpence  –  and never denigrated those who were not her cup of tea. In this respect she differed from my Aunt Em, who wouldn’t have Eddie Hide at any price.

So I’m not saying putting in an appearance at Cheltenham would have changed my fortunes. The fact is, the fractured vertebra makes walking rather uncomfortable but the Nailsea betting shop isn’t all that far away and I could have made it up there, stopping for little rests on the way and unfailingly thanking all those who asked if I was all right.

On my raceday at Brighton last September I staggered up Preston Street and a young fellow urged me on. ‘Nearly there grandpa, don’t worry you’ll make it!’ he cried and I was grateful, especially as I had three bottles of champagne and a trophy to carry. It put me in mind of Arkle trying to hold off Stalbridge Colonist, which was painful and prompted a prayer or two.

Anyway, I ended up not having a bet at the festival but managed to put Pourquoi Pas Papa your way in my last column. ‘Little fish are sweet’ was another of her sayings and fourth at 16/1 would have done nicely.

It had me recalling my ‘ghosting’ of Paul Nicholls’ column in the See More Business days which, in turn, brought back memories of Martin Pipe and Harry Redknapp.

Some people never quite warmed to Martin but I liked him and still do. He had a favourite little restaurant in Brixham but preferred to take his own tinned fish. He was happy to let our elder daughter Cathy have a ride round the yard but, even with his gammy leg, moved like a good ‘un when she inadvertently headed towards Miinnehoma’s box. You simply didn’t do that; no stranger ever invaded the future Grand National winner’s personal space.

Martin tipped winners in his column, rounding off with four out of six the day Blowing Wind won the closing handicap hurdle at Cheltenham. He also had the French version of SIS on two screens in his lounge from the day it launched. For a while he was miles ahead of his British rivals.

If you were looking for someone like that today you’d turn to Willie Mullins, of course. I’m not saying it would have helped you find 50/1 chance Apolon De Charnie in the Triumph Hurdle on Gold Cup day but Mullins was obviously impressed by the Auteuil race where Proactif had him several lengths back in second because both horses soon left their native country for Closutton. Proactif is owned by JP McManus now and started 7/2 favourite for the Triumph but could finish only ninth. It was one of those results which come to bookmakers’ assistance and I doubt that anyone can explain it but we must assume that Proactif is far better than we saw here.

Even when I was tipping regularly I never fell back on ‘time after’ excuses and I wasn’t that close to backing Home By The Lee in the Stayers’ Hurdle. I take the point that he had had enough tries around Cheltenham and was held by the big names but the race was weaker this year and Teahupo’o was very poorly priced at 9/4 given his training troubles over the past year or two. Home By The Lee, by contrast, had won quite smoothly last time out and was always likely to put in his usual round, which made him an each-way proposition at 33/1. I cursed myself softly.

If I’d had any bets my supporting one for Pourquoi Pas Papa would have been a ‘sell’ of Redknapp’s The Jukebox Man in the Gold Cup. No one wants to hurt anyone in this game but it looked a typical three-miler on a flat track in the King George VI Chase, an opinion endorsed by Banbridge, a very infrequent winner and disappointing earlier in the week. The fact that the King George produced a riveting finish which also involved Gaelic Warrior does not make it a top race and 7/2 about The Jukebox Man, unproven and untried beyond three miles, made no appeal.

The paparazzi stayed quite close to Harry as he watched the race hand in hand with his wife Sandra. He is a very canny man and a brilliant self-publicist. I ghosted his matchday programme pieces during his time at Southampton, where he quickly signed his son Famie and Peter Crouch in a bid to stave off relegation from the Premier League.

He didn’t manage it and, at that stage in his career, his heart was with Portsmouth while the presence of Rupert Lowe as chairman at Southampton hardly helped. They were chalk and cheese and Harry was soon back at Fratton Park, shaping a team capable of playing in the top section and, indeed, winning the FA Cup in 2008.

The ’down’ side is that glory can cost a packet and some would say that Pompey, tumbling down through the divisions without a penny to spend and hardly coasting along even now, suffered while Harry moved on and worked his magic  –  from bottom four to Europe, an outstanding achievement –  at Tottenham.

I enjoyed working with him and we certainly had a few laughs but he is as cute as a cartload of monkeys (another one of hers) and never lets adverse comment bother him. It takes a shrewdie to know that I’m A Celebrity  –  Get Me Out Of Here! appeals to an audience mostly, if not wholly, unaware of the football side and his ups and downs. For that audience he was a good ole’ East End boy with a lot of down-home common sense.

As for Rupert, well, he made his ambitions too obvious to Nigel Farage, who quickly had him out of Reform, leaving him to set up Restore, setting his sights on Downing Street with, so we hear, the help of Elon Musk. He hasn’t asked me to ghost a column yet though maybe it’s for the best. After all, I haven’t got a blazer, my hair hasn’t stayed dark and, so my friends tell me, I haven’t come across as a right-winger. Come to think of it, Harry played on the right wing for West Ham but it was a long, long time ago.

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